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Przemysław Kaszubski
School of English
Adam Mickiewicz University
Poznań, Poland
GUARDING AGAINST AN OVERWRITTEN ESSAY (Guidelines for Polish students of
English and their teachers)
Nene College, Northampton
Bell College, Saffron Walden
June 1993
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I would like to thank the TEMPUS programme and the involved
institutions, Nene College, Northampton, Bell College, Saffron
Walden, and Adam Mickiewicz University, Poznań, for giving me
the opportunity to complete this project.
INTRODUCTION
Overwriting accounts for a variety of errors that are made
by English essay writers. Its roots lie deep in the
organisational, stylistic and lexical differences between
written and spoken language. In conversation, we sometimes use
many words. We use them for separating important ideas,
emphasising statements or self-correcting. On the other hand, we
often speak with relatively few words because we supplement them
with gestures, facial expression and other means of non-verbal
communication.
Writing is different. The lack of direct contact with the
reader necessitates greater precision of the message. More words
are, therefore, necessary in describing details or reporting
events. In contrast, fewer repetition are made. The writer has
time to plan and revise, and the reader has time to read at his
or her own pace. Such conditions facilitate a logical and
economical organisation of content, which is manifested through
the use of diverse stylistic and visual devices: paragraph
breaks, punctuation marks, diagram drawings and the like.
The need for a distinct written style causes problems to
many English language users, native speakers including, who tend
to project their speaking habits onto their writing. As a
result, an impressive number of redundancies in their work
emerge. For foreign learners, understanding the secrets of
effective English prose may present a gross cultural problem,
for -
The organisation of written discourse in English is
culturally determined in the same way as are eating
habits and social interaction... Students who write
well in their first language cannot simply rely on an
accurate translation of their sentences into English.
There is a decidedly "English" way of handling a
topic, of putting the sentences together, and of
connecting the sentences.
(Raimes 1983: 115)
Michael Clyne's comparative research on German and English
academic writing proves the latter to be much more concerned
with relevance and lack of repetition. Spanish students in turn
have been found to regard British over-explicitness as
ridiculous (cf. Brookes and Grundy 1990: 33).
Compositions written by Polish advanced learners of English
show a similarly high incidence of errors based on the cultural
gap. Circumlocution, wordiness and irrelevance frequently
dominate clarity, brevity and directness. Interestingly enough,
when enquired about their writing habits, the students usually
deny resorting to Polish-English translation. However, the
influence of their 'flowery' mother tongue upon the written work
they produce in English is very noticeable.
The goal of this project is to look at the various types of
overwriting and to suggest ways in which they could be improved.
Three basic levels on which the problem occurs are
distinguished:
I. the Level of the Organisation of content - where
irrelevant information gets inserted into texts;
II. the Level of Stylistics - where circumlocution and
paraphrasing supersede simple, direct English;
III. the Level of Lexis - where dispensable words are kept
in the text.
Some of the errors discussed are typical of Polish writers,
and specific teaching directions have been made to facilitate
their elimination.
TYPES OF OVERWRITING
I. The Level of the Organisation of Content
The question of the organisation of an English essay has
been covered in many handbooks. Its theory is quite systematic
and can be successfully taught through repeated writing
assignments. The major task facing a teacher of English academic
writing is that of getting students to develop the habit of
conscious planning. The skill, if taught properly, forces the
learner to change what are called his or her conceptual
'schemata', or 'expectations which enable them to interpret the
world' (White 1988: 7). It so happens that when we gain new
information, it is either related to the existing schemata or
the schemata themselves expand and accommodate this new
information. Quite alike, the effort at organising ideas in a
new, English way coerces a foreign writer into developing
appropriate schemata so that he or she can read and categorise
reality as an Englishman might do.
There are various ways of presenting the iron-clad rules
that govern the structure of a typical English essay. The model
provided below is a slight modification of the diagram used by
Ann Raimes in her Techniques in Teaching Writing, p.126.
I. Introduction
(1.Opening statement)
2.Thesis statement (Main idea)
3.Signal(s) of Support 1, Support 2, etc. paragraphs.
II. Support 1 (Paragraph 1)
1.Topic sentence
2.Support A
3.Support B
...........
III. Support 2 (Paragraph 2)
1.Topic sentence
2.Support A
3.Support B
...........
................
IV. Conclusion
1.Summary of Thesis and Support 1, Support 2 etc.
2.Projection/extrapolation
A look at the diagram will tell there is no room for
irrelevant facts here. Digressions and associations, so favoured
by many Polish writers, have to be cut out entirely. An essay
whose first paragraph introduces foreigners' negative
preconceptions about the Polish national character must not
contain a fourth paragraph extolling an average Pole's virtues;
otherwise it will become confusing. Presented below are some
suggestions of activities which can help lessen the danger of
overwriting caused by wrong or no planning.
1. Free composition as a consciousness-raising step
2. Outlining existing essays
Usually inexperienced in text analyses, students should
practise reproducing outlines using either the Ann Raimes model
above or any of the diagrams suggested by Anita Pincas and
presented below. The choice of the method should belong to the
students, who should further adapt it to their needs when it
comes to preparing independent compositions.
a) table
b) flow chart
c) classification
d) tree diagram
3. Planning
Robert Barrass in Students Must Write claims that in order
to improve one's writing one should 'treat every composition,
however small, in the same way: always think, plan, write and
revise' (Barrass 1982: 43). Thinking and planning form the pre-
writing phase during which we question ourselves about the
purpose of our essay. Having seen their first composition blue-
pencilled, the students will now recognise better the
plausibility of asking these questions and giving them answers.
Creating a good topic outline on this basis should involve:
a) providing a good title
b) selecting effective headings
c) preparing a topic outline
4. Precis and summary writing
5. Guided composition
6. Good organisation is not all.
The use of the English model of essay organisation is a
systematically investigated object of study in an entire one-
year course. Throughout the year students produce a number of
texts in which it is not only errors of organisational
overwriting that come to the surface. Over-elaborate phraseology
and superfluous words occur with no less regularity. These flaws
have to be catered for instantly and guidance should be given in
advance so that students can anticipate and avoid the
redundancies and the circumlocutions they often wrongly favour.
II. The Level of Stylistics.
1. Circumlocution
Circumlocution stands for roundabout speech and failure in
getting to the point. Many Polish writers possess this unwelcome
habit. For the sake of convenience, the following types of
circumlocution have been distinguished:
a) general over specific (abstract over concrete);
b) paraphrase over name;
c) complex over simple.
Defining closely each of the categories is not essential
since they are all akin. It does not seem to matter which of
them teachers will cite to illuminate a problem to a student.
What counts is their ability to point to the ways in which the
mistakes can be understood and avoided.
a) general over specific
Example of a typical sentence:
Life in Poland is difficult because the prices on many
things are too high.
Problems:
What 'life' is meant?
Who is this life difficult for?
What are the 'many things'?
How can the range of 'too high prices' be defined?
This is a very serious and very frequent type of an
uneconomical overwritten sentence: the lack of precise terms is
likely to force subsequent reformulations and repetitions.
Students should be bothered with questions about the
generalisations they like to use so that they start feeling
concerned and responsible for the meanings they want to convey.
Informative and precise statements should be aimed at, for
example, to this effect:
The cost of living of the Polish middle class families
have nearly doubled over the last year due to the
continuous rise in rent rates and food prices.
b) paraphrase over name
This case of circumlocution appears when one is not able to
'call a spade a spade'. The padding of understatements and
periphrases is used to cover the ignorance or dishonesty of the
writer. Quiller Couch has drawn up a list of words that have
lent themselves to the formation of such overblown jargonistic
phrases. To avoid equivocality, one is advised to use these
words sparingly and with caution:
case instance
character nature
condition persuasion
degree area
angle aspect
fact field
level situation
spectrum time
type
(cf. Barrass 1982: 70)
Polish students overuse many of these words, and more:
basis thing
kind something
matter issue
A page on in his book, Barrass tabulates
examples of wordy phrasing and juxtaposes them with better,
shorter equivalents:
Circumlocution Better English
a disproportionate number few
in the field of medicine in medicine
it would appear that apparently
to say nothing of and
arrive at a decision decide
(cf. Barrass 1982: 71)
These examples are not Polish creations. An English writer is
warned against using them but their knowledge may be of use to
a Polish learner. They do not breach the rules of grammar and
have originated from idiomatic speech. They are English mistakes
and, as such, should not be ignored. While Polish coinages run
the risk of sounding unnatural, English ready-made phrases do
not, and their adoption, if careful, can improve considerably a
foreign learner's ability of self-expression. The following
phrases were once borrowed by me from English sources so that I
could avoid Polish cliches in conveying my thoughts:
the cars now in use
in specified areas only
the meeting is due to last for five days
at the request of
,as is their wont,
lifelike
to my question he said that
his luck was short-lived
it has all the sights of
in fairness
Students should be encouraged to approach English actively
in search for expressions that match their own stylistic
idiosyncrasies. It would be a step towards developing a private
and yet efficient and truly English idiom.
c) complex over simple
Complex writing manifests itself in a threefold manner.
First, it results from the writer's inability to arrange his
topic in a logical structure. Here, culturally conditioned
cognitive processes can be affected. The way of putting them on
the right path leads through varied practice in essay
organising, as discussed in Part I of this project.
Related to the foreignly structured thoughts are the
methods of presenting them linguistically. English sentences
produced by an average Polish student often come out longer and
looser than needed. Instead of grouping logically connected
topics, they abound in fragmented arguments, associative remarks
and repeated comments linked by connectives: which, for which,
by which, who, with whom, etc.
On the lexical level, at last, the choice of fancy, longer
or foreign terms is common. Poles are not particularly prone to
using them, but occasional errors do occur. For the usual
reasons of clarity, impact and concreteness, English stylists,
though recognising the 'matter of ear', prefer shorter words,
like those in the second of the columns given below:
Fancy word Shorter, preferred word
modification change
beauteous beautiful
accomplish do
considerably much
hypothesise suggest
individual person
terminate end
proceed go
scintillate shine
(cf. Barrass 1982: 55f)
2. How to help the students
On top of being systematically corrected for their errors,
students should receive a list of strategic rules to adhere to,
preferably illustrated with examples. An abridged version of
such anti-circumlocution guidelines is provided below:
a) always approach your subject directly;
b) use definite, specific and concrete language;
c) adapt suitable phrases from original English sources to
approximate your expression to the near-native;
d) of two synonymous expressions, choose the shorter since it
is usually the better one.
III. The Level of Lexis
Faulty organisation and indirect phraseology account for only
part of the effects of overwriting. The third source is the
presence of dispensable words and expressions. The teacher's
role here is to make his or her students sensitive to the areas
where the mistakes creep in and to eliminate all redundancies in
the stride.
1. Unneeded adjectives and adverbs
E. B. White in the chapter 'An Approach to Style',
supplemented to William Strunk Jr's The Elements of Style,
advised his readers to 'write with nouns and verbs'. 'The
adjective hasn't been built that can pull a weak or inaccurate
noun out of a tight place,' he said (Strunk and White 1979: 71).
The English language is rich in highly specialised sets of nouns
and verbs, and it is these that give good writing the basic
colours. Adjectives and adverbs should only be used to shade
those colours more finely. Many Polish students forget that 'a
stroll' is a more effective and economical expression than 'a
slow leisurely walk'.
2.Undue repetitions
a) favourite words
The use of a word once or twice in the same sentence or
several times in one paragraph may interrupt the smooth flow of
language. Certain words and expressions, however, touch special
fancy with writers. Among the favourites of many there are:
such as also apparently case
found in fact make
and others (cf. Barrass 1982: 67).
In fact, a word should be repeated only if necessary, that is
to say, when no equally apt equivalent for it exists or when the
repetition serves to emphasise a point. Polish writers often
abuse this liberty, especially with various introductory and
transitional phrases. These are discussed later with Superfluous
Phraseology.
b) tautologies
Tautologies are found in many languages and mostly appear in
the effect of ignorance of the meaning of words. To use a
tautology is to commit a logical and stylistic error by stating
twice the same thing. Still, as in the case of English
paraphrases, familiarity with original English tautologies may
be useful to a foreign learner, even if copying them is not
always advisable. In truth, tautologies are quite easy to cure,
for it will usually do to cross out a surplus component.
Secondly, relatively few of them appear in Polish students'
essays. Relevant examples include:
Tautology Corrected Form
ask the question whether ask whether
may possibly go may go
related to each other related
link together link
in actual fact in fact
my own personal opinion my opinion
disappear from sight disappear
but ... however but or however
in the field of agriculture in agriculture
grouped together grouped
(cf. Barrass 1982: 60)
c) incorrect qualifications
These attach themselves to phrases and expressions which, by
nature, do not need any modifiers. Although a reflection of the
current English idiom, they are logically ill-formed and are not
recommended:
Incorrect Phrase Corrected Form
absolutely perfect perfect
they are in fact they are
the actual number the number
completely surrounded surrounded
definitely correct correct
blue in colour blue
wholly new new
small in size small
quite unique unique
(cf. Barrass 1982: 61)
3. Statements of opinion
The requirements of the English essay are such that the
author places him or herself in the background. Points,
arguments, assumptions must be justified with logic and clarity
and not by personal preferences. Polish students are especially
used to incorporating their opinions into their speech and
writing. Exercises in formal essay organisation help eradicate
a lot of unwelcome phrases, such as 'I think' or 'in my
opinion'. Still, partiality continues to be smuggled into
compositions under the cloak of many other expressions:
obviously surely apparently of course
certainly clearly undoubtedly as is well known
doubtless there is no denying that
The abuse of these phrases for fancy reasons is unacceptable.
The students should know about it in advance and be in general
strongly discouraged from overt personalising their written
work.
4. Superfluous phraseology
Two basic groups can be distinguished. The first group
contains longer phrases which can be simplified by cutting the
unnecessary component(s) or substituting a shorter synonym:
Example Solution
the question as to whether (the question) whether
he is a man who he
in a hasty manner hastily
the reason why is that because
in spite of the fact that (al)though
the fact that I had arrived my arrival
his brother, who is a member of his brother, a member of
owing to the fact that since (because)
(cf. Strunk and White 1979: 24)
The other group includes superfluous introductory or
transitional phrases used by poor writers to link sentences or
paragraphs. These phrases should only be kept in place if other
means of ensuring the desirable flow of the argument fail.
Examples:
arguably as is well known for obvious reasons evidently
to be honest as mentioned earlier still yet however
reportedly
(cf. Barrass 1982: 45)
The teacher's task is to control a sparing use of these
superficial linguistic devices.
5. The English essay: an economy package?
Let a quote from Robert Barrass's book head final comments on
the matters of style:
In practising the economy of words, do not make the
mistake of using too few words. Include comment words
(such as even, dangerously, as expected, and unexpected)
and connecting words (such as hence, however, moreover,
nevertheless, on the contrary, and therefore) to direct
your reader's attention.
Do not pack important thoughts so closely that your
reader has no time to grasp the full meaning of one before
the next is upon him. Provide reminders when these are
needed. Your subject should not be drowned in a sea of
words, nor starved of the words needed to give it
strength. The rule must be to use the number of words
needed to convey a thought precisely (without ambiguity).
Brevity must not be achieved at the expense of clarity,
accuracy, interest and coherence.
(Barrass 1982: 77)
However, every writing tutor will know that to loosen the
discipline of words is far easier than to teach it. For foreign
teachers and learners, guarding against overwriting means
leading a never-ending struggle for precision and tightness,
explicitness and clarity. The English essay may not be an
'economy package' in its entirety, but it should be thought of
as such at the learning stage. Once sufficiently acquired, it
can be fully enjoyed afterwards.
CONCLUSION
Presented in this work have been various levels of academic
essay composition at which overwriting takes its effect. The
idea was to show the large scope of this problem and hint at
directions which Polish students and teachers could take towards
acquiring the distinct English written style.
Organisational overwriting is to be overcome through
methodological discovering, reconstructing and producing various
stages of essay composition. Stylistic and lexical errors, in
turn, require continuous attention on an almost individualised
basis. Above all, guidelines are needed for students to use
while making their successive attempts.
No further defined tasks have been presented since the focus
was on the strategic rather than technical aspects of effective
essay writing. Instead, I pointed to the areas where particular
activities could be inscribed and individual skills practised
and tested in detail.
BIBLIOGRAPHY:
1. Barrass, Robert. 1982. Students Must Write. A guide to better
writing in course work and examinations. London: Methuen.
2. Brookes, Arthur, and Grundy, Peter. 1990. Writing for Study
Purposes. A teacher's guide to developing individual writing.
Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
3. Hamp-Lyons, Liz. 1988. 'The product before: Task-related
influence on the writer' in Robinson, P. C., ed., op. cit.,
pp. 35-46.
4. Pincas, Anita. 1982. Teaching English Writing. New York:
Macmillan.
5. Proud, Alan. 1977. English in Brief. A Course in Summary
Writing. London: Arnold.
6. Raimes, Ann. 1983. Techniques in Teaching Writing. Oxford:
Oxford University Press.
7. Robinson, Pauline C., ed. 1988. Academic Writing: Process and
Product. Modern English Publications and The British Council.
8. Strunk, William Jr., and White E. B. The Elements of Style.
New York: Macmillan.
9. White, Ronald V. 1988. 'Academic Writing: Process and
Product' in Robinson, P. C., ed., op. cit., pp. 4-16.
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